Monday, 3 March 2008

Thank You, Jesus, For Your Sweet Buns

I am not a particularly religious man, but around about this time of year I cannot help but drop to my knees and give thanks to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ for his supreme sacrifice. If it was not for Jesus dying on the cross for all our sins, I would not be here right now enjoying a plate of delicious hot cross buns.

I really love hot cross buns. Of all the buns, they are probably my favourite, but they are a largely seasonal treat, lining shop shelves in the run up to Easter. Sure, you CAN find them in some stores during the rest of the year, but it is only around Easter time that they suddenly start appearing everywhere - and better still, they seem to come down in price and get bundled in all sorts of 'Buy One Pack, Get One Free' deals.

Truly, this is a glorious time of year for the hot cross bun aficionado.

Despite my love of the humble hot cross bun, I can't say I really know all that much about them, except that a) they're not hot and b) they're really tasty. I don't have a clue about how they came to be, or who was the first bright spark to conceive the idea of putting a cross on a bun in order to commemorate the passing of the Messiah. Maybe the hot cross bun represents a really early example of merchandising at its most crude.

Whatever the genesis of the idea, I would have dearly liked to have sat in on that particular meeting...

(The scene is set at Bernie's Buns, a small food stall in Jerusalem).

Bernie, the Bun Salesman: Hey, Abe - did you hear the news? That Jesus fellah is going to be crucified today.

Abe: What, the Son of God? Bloody hell, they don't muck about, these Romans.

Bernie, the Bun Salesman: I know, I know. It's tragic, is what it is.

Abe: Yeah, yeah. Terrible.

Bernie, the Bun Salesman: Yeah.


Bernie, the Bun Salesman: But I was thinking, Abe...sales of our delicious buns have been really sluggish, lately. An', well, everyone's talkin' about this what about if we were to start, well...putting little crosses on the buns?

Abe: Little crosses? That's a touch morbid, ain't it? Next you'll be tellin' me folk will want to wear little crosses around their necks!

Bernie, the Bun Salesman: Hear me out, Abe. I think there's a market for it, I really do. Everyone loves a good crucifixion, and people love buns. Why not bring together these seemingly disparate and unrelated strands together in one wholesome, baked good?

Abe: Are you suggestin' that as Jesus Christ - Our Lord and Saviour and the Son of God - lies dyin' on the cross for all our sins so that we may gain entry to the Kingdom of Heaven upon our death, that we cash in on his indescribably painful death with a cheap, novelty bun?

Bernie, the Bun Salesman: Well...yeah.

Abe: I like it! Quick, pass me some icing.

I think that's probably almost exactly what happened. Either that, or the other option is that Jesus was actually crucified upon a giant bun.

Whatever the truth, hot cross buns are excellent, and I give praise for them.

Although I'm probably going to Hell now for this post, but then at least I'll be guaranteed some really hot cross buns down there.

- Fanton.


Lord Andrew of Goulding said...

Unintentional or not, "Crucifiction" may well soon enter the global atheistic lexicon as a disparaging commentary upon the crucifixion.


P.S. I always thought Jesus was a Mexican bunny.

Fanton said...

Hey, I did say I was not a religious man!

Real explanation: I wrote this at three in the morning. Yet, despite that, it's still EXCELLENT, spelling errors aside.

Frog the Dog said...

How many hot cross buns can you eat in one sitting?
I say sitting, maybe you prefer to stand to wolf yours down??
Easter is just frogtastic time for food - pancakes (SCRUMMY), hot cross buns (VERY SCRUMMY), Choc easter eggs!!!!

Scaryduck said...

You're going to HELL, Fanton.

In the words of the prophet Coolio: See you when you get there.

Don Lewis said...

Absolutely disgusting!

That you would use such a tragedy all for the purpose of launching your new "blog" look.

What next? Twin-towers cookies?

(Hmmm... I'll get back to you....)

Fanton said...

We aim to (dis)please.

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