Thursday, 23 April 2009

Dragon And On

Hey, Sickbaggers!

As today is St. George's Day, I thought I'd share these two George vs Dragon strips I drew, fully intending to make an ongoing series out of the premise, but never actually following it through! Ah, well.


Happy St. George's Day!

- Fanton.

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Rhymes With a Little Bit of Reason

Hey, Sickbaggers.

While I'm in a reflective mood, here are some poems what I have done writted. I hope you like!

Drunk on the Job

God must have been really drunk
On the day that He made me.
It would explain
Why I was made
so imperfectly.

Ups and Downs

There are three types of people, all in all,
There are those who rise, and those who fall.
Then there are those who don't move in the least,
Or as we like to call them: deceased.

Dead in Both Directions

I took a bullet for my darling,
Not long after we had split.
People thought that I was mad
But I wouldn't hear of it.
So what if she had left me,
So what if it tore me apart,
I'd have rather died there in her arms,
Then to have died inside her heart.

A Story, Just

Said the leopard to the shepherd, 'Where are your sheep today?'
Said the shepherd to the leopard, 'I really cannot say.'
Said the leopard to the shepherd, 'Have you lost them all?'
Said the shepherd to the leopard, 'No, I fear you'll eat them all.'
Said the leopard to the shepherd, 'You've got me, sir - well done!'
Then the shepherd shot the leopard with his great big gun.

The moral of this story folks, is animals are true,
But no one knows exactly what a man will really do.

Public Service Announcement

There is some information I must impart
When it comes to taking care of your heart.
Stop smoking, and avoid fatty foods,
Try to reduce your intake of booze.
And falling in love should not be dared,
For the damage it does can't be repaired.

What's In A Name?

The Duke of Wellington got the Wellington,
Leon Theremin got the theremin.
Laszlo Biro got the pen he had been owed,
While Samuel Morse got his very own code.
George Ferris got given a new Ferris wheel
But MC Hammer?
Got a record deal.

Go Bye-Bye

'I'm going now sweetheart,
'I'm going to go out of my mind.
Do not worry,
it shan't take long',
I said to the imaginary wife
I left behind.


She liked the gift of flowers,
She liked the gift of chocs,
She liked the gift of earrings,
Wrapped up in a gift-box.

One day I gave her a gift,
I thought was really sweet
I gave her all of my love,
She asked for the receipt.

- Fanton.

Friday, 3 April 2009

From Broken Heart to Broken Heart

Hey, Sickbaggers.

I know, I know. It's been another couple of months since I last posted, for which I apologise (if you even care, that is).

Trouble is, I've reeeeeeaaaally not felt like updating, as things have not been so peachy of late.

As you may recall, in that last post, I was unemployed, but I was happily plodding along, filled with ideas and scheme, and extolling the virtue of my wonderful girlfriend.

Well, I think God must have read that post, and deemed in His infinite wisdom that I was having far too much happiness, for some three weeks later my girlfriend left me.

She had her reasons, and assured me it wasn't me, but it hasn't made the split any less painful. I thought the world of her and would have done anything with my limited powers to make her happy...but now she's gone, and not a day goes by where I don't think of her, and miss her deeply. She is an incredible person, and still so very special and dear to me.

Added to this is the fact I'm still unemployed, despite filling enough more forms and applications to lay waste to an entire forest; and money is so tight that I've had to skip meals on occasion just to stretch my resources, and things are looking rather bleak and hopeless.

In short: everything's gone to shit. Big, steaming piles of it.

Then, yesterday I went to the hospital to have an ECG, as I've been having chest pains a lot lately. I've always had a bit of a dicky chest, but the twinges and palpitations have been increasing in frequency, so figured I should get it checked out.

The initial diagnosis seems to be that part of my heart has become enlarged, as it struggles to effectively pump blood around my body. The exact reasons why are still a mystery and further investigations are needed, but it's another piece of less-than-stellar news to absorb.

It seems my heart is quite literally broken.

So, yeah. That's why I haven't posted here of late.

I'm still somehow updating Lord Likely's site, though, albeit less frequently. It's quite tricky to pump out chuckles and guffaws when I feel so depressed, but I think I'm getting away with it. Hopefully his lordship's antics are still eliciting the odd chuckle.

I also apologise for his lordship's less frequent visits to his friend's websites and blogs. I do still keep up with most of them, but I'm finding plucking a witty response from the air to put in the comments a little hard, so forgive me.

I was buoyed by the generous response to his lordship's latest fund-raising attempt, though. I was genuinely penniless and so the generous donations made were really, truly appreciated. Thank you so much, you guys!

In other news, it looks like The Carrotty Kid's site will be disappearing soon. It's due for renewal now, but I set it up back when I had a job and money, and I simply cannot afford to pay to keep it going, which is a shame. I did have plans for the Kid, but as with everything, my plans do not seem to account for much!

Hopefully, normal service will be resumed somewhen soon, and there will be less whiney, self-pitying posts like this and more of the usual nonsense and nob gags.

In the meantime, here is a delightful comic from Pearls Before Swine for you to enjoy.

See ya.

- Fanton.

Friday, 6 February 2009

Who? What? Where? How?

Hello, Sickbaggers!

I am not dead, nor nearly dead, nor dead but kept alive by a horrifying rage virus - to be honest, I have just not felt like writing for Digital Sickbag for a while, so didn't. Hey, it's a free country (unless you are reading this in a country which heavily infringes upon your civil liberties. In which case I doubt you will be reading this anyway.)

So: what has been going on since the last time I spewed forth into this blog? Well...

* I gained part-time, Christmas employment at HMV, which was good fun! Jimmy Carr came into our store twice, which would be impressive if it wasn't for the fact that I hate Jimmy Carr. But then...

* ...the job's contract ended, thus leaving me unemployed (again). Boooo! Back to watching Jeremy Kyle repeats I go!

* But! I have been quite productive with my new-found spare time. (Of course, it depends on your definition of 'productive).

* I drew THIS, for example! Hee-hee!

* I have also been updating Lord Likely, as well as setting him up a Facebook Group, a Twitter page and even a shop.

* I made these celebrity ghost t-shirts. Here is the ghost of Queen frontman, Freddie Mercury:

I also did Elvis, and Kurt Cobain. Why not buy one?

* I had many poos.

* I found myself getting Popmashed by the excellent Mike Whaite, in celebration of his relaunched Popmash website. Groovy!

* But, best of all, I have met an incredibly beautiful and completely lovely woman, and - rarer still - one who does not seem to be completely repulsed by me, despite me being so wretched. Hooray! She makes me very happy indeed, and is super-special to me already. Bless you, honey!

So yes. Great ups and downs, lefts and rights, but I have been keeping myself busy throughout. I am hoping to be able to bring you some more exciting news shortly, if everything goes according to plan...

Failing that, I shall just fill this blog with nob jokes again, then disappear for months on end.

See you soon!

- Fanton.

Follow me on Twitter. It may or may not be fun, I am not entirely sure.

Thursday, 30 October 2008

A New Tenant For The Tardis

I knew this time would come. It was as inevitable as the changing of the seasons, as sure as night follows day. But I didn't expect it to be this sudden.

Yes, Sickbaggers, I am of course referring to the news that David Tennant is leaving Doctor Who, ending his four year stint as the titular timelord in the BBC's long-running sci-fi series.

I had hoped he might hold out for one series under Stephen Moffat's stewardship (the incoming show runner who previously penned excellent Who stories such as Silence in the Library and Blink), but it seems it is not to be. He will appear at The Doctor for five more specials to be broadcast over the next year and a bit, meaning there is just five, short hours of Tennant left to enjoy.

I know Tennant's tenancy of the TARDIS has divided opinion; the majority seem to love him and think he has really made the role his own, while the moaning minority seem to think he is a useless clown who has no place in such a serious-minded piece of powerful drama as Who. To the latter crowd I only have this irrefutable argument to offer: piss off, you tits.

I for one will miss David Tennant's Doctor immensely; I think he has done a bang-on job in balancing the comic with the dramatic, and it is not for nothing that he has become so popular with the audience. But equally I can quite understand his desire to move on before it is too late, and hope he gets to enjoy even bigger success hereafter.

I was going to do an hilarious 'Who Should Be The Next Who' post (what about Russell Brand? LOL! Or Bill Cosby? ROFFLE! Or a cat in a wig?) but quite frankly it is far too soon to be contemplating the next Doctor. The wounds are still raw, dammit.

Now let me be. I have some mourning to do.


- Fanton.

Sunday, 26 October 2008

An Extra Hour

So, the clocks went back one whole hour today, heralding the end of British Summer Time. Of course, most of us spent this extra time sleeping, but what else could you possibly do with an extra sixty minutes? As ever, Digital Sickbag has the answer!

  • Watch an entire episode of 60 Minutes.
  • Alternatively, watch two episodes of Hancock's Half Hour.
  • Bake a potato, then set the clock back, and marvel at how your food was ready in no time at all.
  • Refuse to set your watch back the one hour, but change all the rest of the clocks in the house, and then pretend you are a time traveller from the future visiting the past.
  • Boil twenty three-minute eggs, one after the other.
  • Watch part of a shitty film, read some of a rubbish book, or simply spend an hour doing something you don't like. Then, set the clocks back and be safe in the knowledge that you didn't waste any of your precious time doing those things.
  • Prepare for the onset of Seasonal Affective Disorder by going out and buying loads of lamps and Prozac.
  • Before the clocks go back, go out and rob a store, or hot-wire a car or something, and then watch with glee as the time in which you committed your felony is wiped from history, allowing you to completely get away with your crime.
  • Make love. Thirty times.
  • Count to 216,000.
  • Go to Greenwich and be really mean to everyone there. It is Greenwich Mean Time now, after all.
  • Laugh smugly at people who have forgotten to set their clocks correctly, and revel in their bleary-eyed confusion as they wake up one hour too early.
  • Refuse to acknowledge the time change, and insist upon living in your own, personal time-zone.
  • Use the extra hour to finally update your crappy blog which you have been neglecting for the past three weeks.
What will YOU do with this extra hour, Sickbaggers?

- Fanton.

Friday, 3 October 2008

When Celebrities Collide

Do you like celebrities?

Of course you do. We all do. But do you, like me, worry that there are maybe too many celebrities in the world today, making it a little more difficult to spread the celeb-love equally to them all?

Thank the Maker, then, for Popmash.

Popmash is the genius creation of awesomely awesome animator Michael Whaite (who I have mentioned before, in equally gushing terms, here and here). The concept of Popmash is simple: take two celebrities and fling them together in a genetic tumble-dryer, and marvel at the freakish composite entity that pops out later.

Already Mike's Popmashing madness has led to two brilliant short cartoons; namely Bee Geesus and Mr. Benn-y Hill. Watch them, they're fab.

Recently Mike has been hard at work expanding his Popmash empire, resulting in a spiffy new web site with the added bonus that you can now purchase fine goods bearing the spliced-up celebrities' likenesses. Most excellently of all, this includes t-shirts, so now you can proudly display your love of two famous folk at once, whilst out and about leading your distinctly un-starry lives! HUZZAH!

Here's just a sample of some of the Popmash apparel you can now purchase:

Brilliant. Clearly, the Popmash phenomenon is only going to get bigger, so hop along to the website now, or directly to the Shopmash store, and snap yourself up some top-quality merchandise before everyone else does. That way you'll look waaaaay cool, and you'll probably get shagged heaps too.*

See you on the red carpet!

- Fanton.

*likelihood dependent on physical repulsiveness.