Judgement Day

It's the moment you've ALL been waiting for, readers - it's competition winner announcement time! HOORAY!

I apologise for the delay, but I have been a bit sickly over the last few days (awwwwww!) However, it seems that my body is kicking the flu right in the plums, so I can now return to my blog-related duties. DOUBLE HOORAY!

The Digital Sickbag competition, Lights, Camera Blog!, drew a WHOPPING five entries from a fine selection of bloggers across the GLOBE. Well, America, mostly. A big thank you to each and every one of you!

To help me judge the five finalists, I have enlisted the help of respected art critic, historian and television pundit Brian Sewell, who will donate his vast expertise and critical nous, and help us select a winner. So, without further ado, here are the exhibits in our glorious gallery of wonder. Click the images to enlarge...

Entry #1: Chelle, The Offended Blogger.
'The Offended Blogger Movie'.

Entry #2: Roufa Tav Gosou & Mimi Lass
'Banana'.

Entry #3: Bimmy the Bookish
'Frog Blog Dog Log'.

Entry #4: .45 Caliber
'The .45 Caliber Menace'.

Entry #5: Grumpus
'When Things Get Dark'.

Brian Sewell Says:

"Well, what a varied and diverse range of entries, I must say. Mmmmm. Chelle's entry makes good use of the film poster format, with a catchy tagline ('Offending Soon At A Theatre Near You') and a nice, clean, eye-catching design. I enjoy the way the colours pop out against the black background. It makes my willy hard.

"The entry entitled 'Bananas' is brilliantly cheeky, in letting the original poster do most of the work, due to the fortuitous coincidence that both the original film and the blog share the same name. Brazen, but it makes my balls firm up a great deal.

"Entry number three, by Bimmy, once again boasts a lovely tagline ('More Fun Than You Can Shake A Wet Dog At') and displays a playful sense of fun, much like myself when running naked through a leafy glen. Mmmmmm.

"The .45 Caliber entry is wonderfully designed, very sharp and slick, and makes superb use of that young lady from the pop charts, who I used to picture licking my scrotum whenever I masturbated, before she went all nuts and shit.

"The final entry, from Grumpus, fills me with a feeling of doom, for reasons I cannot place. The use of an Indiana Jones poster is inspired, especially with a new movie in the offing. A shrewd move, that makes semen dribble slowly from the tip of my penis."

Well, thank you Mr. Sewell. You've been most informative, and surprisingly filthy.

AND NOW...THE WINNER!

Brian Sewell and I had a heated discussion, then we wrestled naked for a bit, and then we came to the same conclusion: that the winner of the first ever Digital Sickbag contest is...

(Drumroll)

(Bit more drumroll)

(Just a bit more)

...Mr. .45 Caliber!

(Applause, cheers).

Congratulations, sir! 200 whole Entrecard Credits will be deposited into your off-shore bank account anytime soon, as well as permanent links on the Digital Sickbag sidebar of Glory, and on Lord Likely's blogroll to boot.

I am really, truly grateful to all of you who took the time to enter this daft little contest, and I genuinely did laugh out loud at the madness and inventiveness on display. You're all winners, in my book.

.45 Caliber is just MORE winner, that's all!

- Fanton.


Just in case any lawyers are reading, Mr. Brian Sewell did not endorse our contest in any way, shaper or form, nor did he actually take part in any judging or say anything dirty. It's all just a bit of fun.

Sick As A Parrot

I'm feeling sick.

In fact, I'm feeling as sick as a parrot. Specifically, this parrot:


I'm full of the flu at the moment, so will be spending the next couple of days sneezing and coughing and looking sullen. Therefore, if you are so inclined, you can keep submitting your excellent entries for our equally excellent competition, and I'll try to get around to announcing a winner by Monday-ish.

Sorry about that! In the meantime, feel free to heap your pity and sympathy upon my weakened shoulders, and I will speak to you all SOON!

If I'm not DEAD by then.

- Fanton.

Lord Likely: The Movie!

Yes, it's true. They really are making a Lord Likely movie, starring Daniel Day-Lewis and his mighty, award-winning moustache as the titular aristocrat. No, really! It's true! All true! ALL OF IT.

Well, alright then. So it isn't. You got me. Happy now? Sheesh. A man can dream, can't he?

Anyway, while it's true to say that Hollywood has not come calling, showering me in millions of dollars and expensive narcotics, I have still made a Lord Likely movie of sorts. And by 'sorts' I mean 'a short video on YouTube featuring incredibly limited animation'.

I didn't really set out to make the video, I just found myself with a few hours to spare and a sudden, unexpected burst of creative energy, and so I went ahead and made a little promotional trailer to advertise Lord Likely's (awesome) blog, The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely (which I write, in case any of you are slow on the uptake).

Despite the piece only lasting for forty-seven seconds, the video took hours to make, thanks to my stupid antiquated old PC crashing on me half-way through, and losing me a whole afternoon's work. Needless to say, I swore. A lot. If only I had a computer that was anywhere near hi-spec, I'd probably be ruling the entire internet by now. YES I WOULD.

So, without further ado, here comes the motion picture event of the year, cobbled together using a knackered old computer and a freebie paint package I got off of a magazine once. Behold and witness film-making at its most exemplary!

Whew! Was it good for you, too?

And Now For A Competition.

Actually, now that I've made that lovely poster up above, I've decided to start the very first Digital Sickbag competition, which I've cleverly entitled:

Lights, Camera, Blog!

To partake in this FABULOUS contest, all you need to do is to knock up a poster re-imagining your very own blog as a big-budget Hollywood movie, like the Lord Likely one up the top there. Who would you cast in the lead role of you? What would the tag-line be? What rating?
Go crazy, it's your fantasy after all.

Once you've put together a lovely film poster of Your Blog: The Movie, then post it on your own blog and leave a link in the comments section here, so I can go and have a look. Simple! Or you can email your finished masterpiece to andy fanton at google mail dot com and I'll have a look at it and laugh and laugh and laugh before consigning it to the recycle bin of doom. Maybe.

Don't worry about creating something incredibly polished and slick. You can throw together some random images in your paint package of choice, or doodle something on a napkin. It's up to YOU. All I'm looking for is something creative and funny. Naked breasts are an option worth considering, however.

The winner will receive either 200 Entrecard Credits, (if they are an Entrecard member, of course), or some other prize if they aren't. It'll probably be amazing. Amazingly cheap, that is.

PLUS! All participants will get a permanent link from this very blog which you are reading right now, with the winner also garnering a permanent link on the sidebars both here AND at lordlikely.co.uk (which receive thousands of visitors a week, and currently has a Google Page Rank of 4, for those who like to know these thing).

The closing date is, ooh, let's say the 20th February. I just picked that date completely at random, you know.

Man, that sounds like an awesome contest, if you ask me. You'd better get going.

HAVE FUN, and I'll see you AT THE MOVIES!

(I cannot believe I just said that).


- Fanton.


PS: If anyone wishes to send me a brand-new, completely excellent PC, I should like to let you know that I am not too proud to accept such a generous gift. Just so you know.