Lord Likely: The Movie!

Yes, it's true. They really are making a Lord Likely movie, starring Daniel Day-Lewis and his mighty, award-winning moustache as the titular aristocrat. No, really! It's true! All true! ALL OF IT.

Well, alright then. So it isn't. You got me. Happy now? Sheesh. A man can dream, can't he?

Anyway, while it's true to say that Hollywood has not come calling, showering me in millions of dollars and expensive narcotics, I have still made a Lord Likely movie of sorts. And by 'sorts' I mean 'a short video on YouTube featuring incredibly limited animation'.

I didn't really set out to make the video, I just found myself with a few hours to spare and a sudden, unexpected burst of creative energy, and so I went ahead and made a little promotional trailer to advertise Lord Likely's (awesome) blog, The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely (which I write, in case any of you are slow on the uptake).

Despite the piece only lasting for forty-seven seconds, the video took hours to make, thanks to my stupid antiquated old PC crashing on me half-way through, and losing me a whole afternoon's work. Needless to say, I swore. A lot. If only I had a computer that was anywhere near hi-spec, I'd probably be ruling the entire internet by now. YES I WOULD.

So, without further ado, here comes the motion picture event of the year, cobbled together using a knackered old computer and a freebie paint package I got off of a magazine once. Behold and witness film-making at its most exemplary!

Whew! Was it good for you, too?

And Now For A Competition.

Actually, now that I've made that lovely poster up above, I've decided to start the very first Digital Sickbag competition, which I've cleverly entitled:

Lights, Camera, Blog!

To partake in this FABULOUS contest, all you need to do is to knock up a poster re-imagining your very own blog as a big-budget Hollywood movie, like the Lord Likely one up the top there. Who would you cast in the lead role of you? What would the tag-line be? What rating?
Go crazy, it's your fantasy after all.

Once you've put together a lovely film poster of Your Blog: The Movie, then post it on your own blog and leave a link in the comments section here, so I can go and have a look. Simple! Or you can email your finished masterpiece to andy fanton at google mail dot com and I'll have a look at it and laugh and laugh and laugh before consigning it to the recycle bin of doom. Maybe.

Don't worry about creating something incredibly polished and slick. You can throw together some random images in your paint package of choice, or doodle something on a napkin. It's up to YOU. All I'm looking for is something creative and funny. Naked breasts are an option worth considering, however.

The winner will receive either 200 Entrecard Credits, (if they are an Entrecard member, of course), or some other prize if they aren't. It'll probably be amazing. Amazingly cheap, that is.

PLUS! All participants will get a permanent link from this very blog which you are reading right now, with the winner also garnering a permanent link on the sidebars both here AND at lordlikely.co.uk (which receive thousands of visitors a week, and currently has a Google Page Rank of 4, for those who like to know these thing).

The closing date is, ooh, let's say the 20th February. I just picked that date completely at random, you know.

Man, that sounds like an awesome contest, if you ask me. You'd better get going.

HAVE FUN, and I'll see you AT THE MOVIES!

(I cannot believe I just said that).


- Fanton.


PS: If anyone wishes to send me a brand-new, completely excellent PC, I should like to let you know that I am not too proud to accept such a generous gift. Just so you know.

What's in a name?

Naming a new blog is almost as important a decision as naming your newborn child. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's far more important than that.

Sure, you could wind up bestowing a stupid name like 'Zowie' or 'Moon Unit' or 'Gregory' upon your child, but then chances are that whatever you call your offspring they'll eventually wind up despising their name, and start developing new, far cooler sounding nicknames like 'D-Stroy' or 'Jazza' or 'XBox 360' anyway. It's all pretty irrelevant, really.

Your blog, however, cannot change its own name. Whatever you choose is what it is lumbered with for the rest of its life - which could well be FOREVER.

It is with this weighty consideration upon my mind that I set about naming this very blog. I wanted to give my new baby a snappy name, something vaguely cool-sounding. Something that wouldn't get it picked on by the bigger blogs in the virtual schoolyard.

But what? I did not have one single idea in my entire brain. It's a tricky process, but luckily there are a few clear options open to you when you are naming a blog, which I've carefully researched and present to you now:

The self-titled blog. Simply name your blog after yourself! Not only does it require zero creativity, but it also means that you don't have to try and remember a whole new name. Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.

However, the self-titled blog does carry with it a certain air of arrogance, as if the writer considers him or herself so important and famous that people should either already know their name, or learn it fast. This is fine if you are actually important and/or famous, but makes you look like a right cocky bastard if you aren't.

It should be noted that I used to own a self-titled blog.

The Writing-Based Pun: Blogs are all about writing, so why not make your blog's title an awfully witty pun based upon that very fact? Write In it! Write On! Write Now! Write Where I Belong! Write Now I Am Stabbing Myself In The Eye With A Fork To Spare Me The Agony Of Your Awful Punnery!

It should be noted that I used to own a writing-based pun blog.

The Cock Tease: If you want to get a ridiculously high volume of traffic to your blog, then titling it something vaguely dirty and provocative like Dirty Tramp or Wild Ejaculations or Fuck My Tits will guarantee you a continued torrent of sweaty-palmed surfers who googled 'minge' and who then accidentally found themselves on your page. They won't stay long (unless there are actually tits on your site) but your stats will certainly look impressive. You whore.

Self-Deprecation: We all know that by publishing our thoughts and opinions openly on the Internet we are leaving ourselves open to abuse, so why not get the first blow in right away - on yourself! By naming your blog in such a self-mocking manner it looks like you already think you are rubbish, and are thus immune from any further barbs or critiques.

However, although titles like Wittering On, Boring Guff, Dreary Nothings, Turgid Nonsense and Pile of Shit may make you think you are being all witty and self-deprecating, people might actually take the title literally and leave without reading past that header. Either that, or you call your blog Useless Toss and it actually turns out to be a bunch of useless toss. Or, worst still, your enemies and detractors may feel like they have to try harder to rile you, and go beyond spamming your comments section and straight onto kidnapping you and setting fire to your loved one's hair. Use with caution.

The Surrealistic Juxtaposition: If you want to make yourself look a bit wacky and (shudder) zany, then this could be the choice for you. All you need to do is combine two disparate words or items to get your new, ker-azy blog name. Things like: Anaemic Hippo, Revolving Hatstand, Nuclear Bungalow, Retarded Sparrow, Smoking Omelette, Vibrating Pope, Smarmy Trilby etc.

WARNING: if carried out poorly, the surrealistic juxtaposition can wind up making you look like a really unfunny prick, who probably spends all day quoting Family Guy or Monty Python.

So, I present to you now: Digital Sickbag.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
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- Andy Fanton.