Rhymes With a Little Bit of Reason

Hey, Sickbaggers.

While I'm in a reflective mood, here are some poems what I have done writted. I hope you like!


Drunk on the Job


God must have been really drunk
On the day that He made me.
It would explain
Why I was made
so imperfectly.




Ups and Downs

There are three types of people, all in all,
There are those who rise, and those who fall.
Then there are those who don't move in the least,
Or as we like to call them: deceased.


Dead in Both Directions

I took a bullet for my darling,
Not long after we had split.
People thought that I was mad
But I wouldn't hear of it.
So what if she had left me,
So what if it tore me apart,
I'd have rather died there in her arms,
Then to have died inside her heart.


A Story, Just

Said the leopard to the shepherd, 'Where are your sheep today?'
Said the shepherd to the leopard, 'I really cannot say.'
Said the leopard to the shepherd, 'Have you lost them all?'
Said the shepherd to the leopard, 'No, I fear you'll eat them all.'
Said the leopard to the shepherd, 'You've got me, sir - well done!'
Then the shepherd shot the leopard with his great big gun.

The moral of this story folks, is animals are true,
But no one knows exactly what a man will really do.


Public Service Announcement

There is some information I must impart
When it comes to taking care of your heart.
Stop smoking, and avoid fatty foods,
Try to reduce your intake of booze.
And falling in love should not be dared,
For the damage it does can't be repaired.


What's In A Name?

The Duke of Wellington got the Wellington,
Leon Theremin got the theremin.
Laszlo Biro got the pen he had been owed,
While Samuel Morse got his very own code.
George Ferris got given a new Ferris wheel
But MC Hammer?
Got a record deal.


Go Bye-Bye

'I'm going now sweetheart,
'I'm going to go out of my mind.
Do not worry,
it shan't take long',
I said to the imaginary wife
I left behind.


Gifted

She liked the gift of flowers,
She liked the gift of chocs,
She liked the gift of earrings,
Wrapped up in a gift-box.

One day I gave her a gift,
I thought was really sweet
I gave her all of my love,
She asked for the receipt.


- Fanton.

Items of Interest (Interest May Vary)

It's lazy blog-post time, as I present a selection of links and 'things' that may be of interest to you (and you) with the minimum of writing in between, and without the need for any jokes or anything approaching creativity. HOORAY!
First up, here's a YouTube video based around my good chum Stu Munro's excellent webcomic, Ray the Otter.

Ray the Otter is a foul-mouthed, misogynistic, racist otter who appears in his own comic, dispensing all manner of offensive quips, much to the bewilderment of his little friend, Mr. Peepers.

Ray has been released from the confines of the comic panel, and thrust into a semi-animated toon by Daveula creator Tom Butler. The result is excellent, disgusting and excellent once more.

Here it is now:

My other good chum, Mike Whaite (he of The Carrotty Kid pilot episode fame) has gone quiet recently, but then returned yesterday in a blaze of glory, with this excellent animation featuring a potty-mouthed hippo singing John Denver's classic track, Annie's Song. It's ruddy ace.



In Lord Likely news, I recently received my first-ever piece of Likely merchandise - a selection of mini-cards bearing his lordship's handsome face, made by those fine folk at moo.com. They are really lovely.

Here they are in fabulous blur-o-vision:


And look! You can even use them as bookmarks! HOORAY!


I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do with them. I might send them to loyal Likely fans, or sneak into bookshops and slip them between the covers of every Dan Brown book on the shelves. Decisions, decisions!

Finally, my spoof showbiz website gaup has spluttered back into life, with five - yes, FIVE - new articles awaiting your perusal. Meanwhile, The Carrotty Kid has ground to a temporary halt again. Man, it's hard work juggling all these sites, you know.

That's it for this highly fascinating round-up of stuff and things. See you next time!

- Fanton.

Dreadlock Holiday

Hey! Guess what! No, not that. Or that. No, not that, either. I'll have to tell you - I'm on holiday! Yippee!

Of course, being a 'struggling artist' (read: penniless hobo), I can't afford to go anywhere sunny and nice, but hey - at least I'm not at work. Huzzah!

Instead, I am spending some time with my parents, my sister and their pets, back home in Ringwood. Ringwood is a little market town on the outskirts of the New Forest, in the South of England, and is famous for three things:

1. It has a brewery.
2. It was used for location filming for the BBC sitcom The Brittas Empire.
3. The 1st Duke of Monmouth was held in the town in 1685, before being executed.

There's not a great deal to do in the town, to be honest, but its nice enough to return to once in a while, to escape city life for a bit.

So, in the absence of anything else to do, I have been taking snaps of things with my digital camera.

Therefore, it's now...HOLIDAY PHOTO TIME! (Try not to snore too loudly).

Me and my parents' frankly excellent cat, Sid. Look at his cute face!
And the cat's. Hahahahaha! Oh my!

The family dog, Ringo. The stupidest thing on four legs.

Me in my 'I'm Kind of a Big Deal' t-shirt which I won via Fuel My Blog.
I've been meaning to snap myself in it for a while now,
and finally - FINALLY - I have gotten round to it. Hooray!

That darn dog again.

And there's the cat again. Note his unamused face. He is less of a LolCat, and more of a FuckYouCat.

Ringo, meanwhile, auditions to be a RipDog.

Even when on holiday, I'm still hard at work on The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely. I just never stop - and it's all for YOU.

Finally, big hugs to you all. Awwww. How sweet.
(PS: I have my nob out, just out of shot).

So there you go.

Tomorrow, I might go and take some pictures of some crows or something. Or possibly my ball-bag.

- Fanton.

Lighten Up!

Behold, loyal readers! A brave new era dawns upon Digital Sickbag, as we unveil are slightly new look!

Basically, all we did was change the background colour from black to white, and added a spiffy new header.

But still, it looks pretty good, yeah? To be honest, the old colour scheme was starting to depress me, as it felt like I was hiding in a darkened corner of the internet, like some kind of filthy pervert or something.

Now, it looks a lot brighter and more inviting, don't you think?

DON'T YOU?

In other news, I hope to be launching another EXCELLENT website soon, destined to go down in history as the Greatest Thing Ever Made By Man, and fully justifying the creation of the internet.

Or it might just be stupid and filled with nob-gags.

UPDATE: here is a little promotional piece for the forthcoming New Site of Excellence:

INTRIGUE!

Well, it seems like the future's going to be sticky, and full of sick.

HOORAY!

- Fanton.