Friday, 19 September 2008

I Am Shit, I Am Best

Its been a rather odd day today, all told.

It began terribly when I got fired this morning from my awful, minimum-wage job, for committing the terrible crime of...eating a hotdog. A hotdog that was due to be chucked in the bin anyway, as it was the end of the night and thus was not going to be sold.

And so, for that horrendous act (no doubt causing the multi-million pound company for which I work untold damage and distress), I had my employment terminated. After seven and a half years of loyal service, it turned out that at the end of the day I was worth less to the company than an old, discarded sausage.

And as an added bonus, this took place only four days before my birthday. DOUBLE FUN!

Naturally, I was less than pleased and felt completely and utterly depressed by the whole affair.

However, on the flip-side of this particular coin, was the fact that when I got back to my house, I found that an earlier, off-the-cuff suggestion to The Guardian's 'Comment is Free' on Twitter had resulted in Lord Likely's blog being selected as one of the 'Best of the Web' on their website!

BEHOLD!

Obviously I'm a little aggrieved to see my stuff BELOW a LOLCats-based story (especially being the purveyor of high-quality RIPDogs, myself), but still, there it was. A link to my writing, on The Guardian's website.

Fuck me.

Since then, I've been fielding loads of text messages, emails and Facebook comments either commiserating with me on the loss of my job, or congratulating me on getting a link from The Guardian. I don't know whether I should be wallowing in self-pity and sadness, or leaping for joy and hurling myself into fresh writing work.

Like I said, its been a really odd day.

Now all I have to do is find a way to build upon my writing success, and, y'know...actually get paid to do it, or something. I think that'd be nice.

Either that, or its off to McDonald's.

See you in the dole queue!

- Fanton.

8 comments:

Grumpus said...

The Internet is so big, and they are saying you are one of the best things on it?? My ego would explode like a stomach under the influence of Pop Rocks and cola. Soak up the glory!

As for your firing. However anecdotally hilarious it sounds, that is really fucking pathetic. Is it the theatre where you even made up comics for the newsletter???

My brother got canned for giving some Starbucks sandwiches to a homeless man at the end of his shift. Starbuck just throws that shit away you know. Because the logic is, it removes the incentive to sell if an employee could be rewarded at the end of the night with free, garbagey food. Or they might over-order in the hopes they end up with a windfall of brittle squares and damp sandwiches to take home to the family.

You're destined for better things, sir.

That hot dog was an agent of change!

Rich Howard said...

Hey Fanton,

I've been keeping half an eye on this blog for quite a while but only today do I feel compelled to comment.

Vue are the worst company I've ever had the misfortune to work for. They treat their employees as their most expendable resource. They get so many CVs handed in that it's actually more cost effective for them to constantly recruit than to make any attempt to retain their staff. Revolting institution.

The fact that companies like Vue and Starbucks would rather see their 'food' go in the bin than be given away can actually work to your advantage. The bins out the back of Sainsburies in Portsmouth always proved a particuarly profitable source of free meals. Tescos is pretty good too, but you need to be pretty athletic to get in and out of the cage that the bins are kept in.

At any rate, 7 and a half years is far too long to work for scum like Vue. McDonalds would be lucky to have you.

Jeffman said...

Shit luck, mate. With such a scummy attitude to their staff, I'm somewhat surprised said company didn't report you to the police.

Things like this really piss me off. It's a sad indictment of how far down the pan worker's rights have gone since Thatcher crushed the trade unions. Sickens me.

But like Grumpus said, the hot dog could be the agent of change. Complacency is a particular demon I'm fighting myself.

But congrats on Lord Likely, once again. Keep up the splendiferous roistery, my good fellow.

The Offended Blogger said...

Bastards! :(

I would hire you for your services, but uh, it wouldn't be to write hehe. :)

Chris Wood said...

Screw the miserable fuckers, you're better off without them (by which I mean your old bosses, not The Guardian).

I guess that makes today / tomorrow your birthday? Many happy returns of today / tomorrow / maths isn't my strong point.

Bill 'Bread' Blunt said...

Their loss, the world's gain!

I 'lost' my own 'job' earlier this year. Best of luck, Andy - it could be the best thing that ever happened to you!

Cheers

Paul

Fanton said...

Thanks a lot, you guys, for your lovely words of loveliness.

I...I...promised I...wouldn't...CRRRRYYYYYY!

*Sniff*

Scaryduck said...

Wait - hang on - didn't they give you the option of a written warning, or what?