James Bond in 'Try Another Title'

News reaches the Sickbag that the twenty-second James Bond movie finally has a title - Quantum of Solace.

As far as tantalising, kick-ass titles go, it's a bit underwhelming, really. It sounds more like a student's science project, or a dull academic book rather than an all-action blockbuster about a super-cool spy.

Then again, Bond titles have a history of being a bit rubbish. For every snappily-titled Goldeneye or Licence to Kill, there's a Tomorrow Never Dies or The World is Not Enough.

So, to help out the Bond producers in naming any future Bond flicks, I've compiled a list of titles that they can use if they want. For ONE HUNDRED MILLION POUNDS EACH. Bargain!

Here we go:

• The James Bond Film
• Casino Royale 2: Casino Royaler
• James Bond vs Aliens vs Predator
• A Licence to Drive
• The Man With The Golden Everything
• The Periodic Table of Death
• Tomorrow is the Day After Today
• James Bond and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
• Secret Agent Punch Up
• Mince Spy
• James Bond Fights Everyone
• Bronze-tits
• The Bond Identity
• The Man With A PhD In Advanced Physics
• BOOOOM!
• James Bond - He's A Super Cool Spy, Man!
• Fighting and Spying And Fucking
• Dodecahedron Eyes
• James Bond Goes To Smuggler's Cove
• James Bond!
• Double Oh Ohhhhhhh
• The Spy Who Will Fuck You Up
• The Man With The Itchy Scrote
• The Pluto Dichotomy
• Big Fat Balls Slapping Against Her Arse
• Something About Killing and Dying
• I Can See Yooooou!
• James Bond Loses His Keys

• Christ, Not Another Fat Lunatic Trying To Take Over the World
• A View To Retirement
• Licence To Print Money
• Never Kill A Doctor With A Licence To Live Another Golden Day Twice
• James Bond Kicks A Bloke
• Shaken, But Not Shaken Too Much
• Things Explode
• James Bond's Super Spying Adventure Time
• PACHOW! ZAP! BLAMMO!
• Look At My Shorts
• James Bond meets James Bond, James Bond, James Bond, James Bond and James Bond.
• Knock Knock, Who's There?
• February the 23rd Always Comes
• There's This Bit, Yeah, Where James Bond Leaps From A Helicopter And Lands In A Tank And Punches This Guy In The Face And Drives Off And Flattens A Limousine It's Fuckin' Well Rad
• Licence To Serve Liquor
• Never Say Not Never Never Again Never
• Liquid Pants
• The Man With The Lady's Face
• Donkey Puncher
• Is That A Gun In Your Pocket Or Your Hardened Cock?
• James Bond Wins At The End

I'm sure you'll agree, they're all BRILLIANT ideas. Hollywood, here I come!

- Fanton.